Sometimes, it just gets hard...

So I was chatting with one of the officers at last nights concert - interesting conversation really.  And if you are wondering why, exactly there ARE in fact officers at concerts - particularly of the classical persuasion - don't think for a second that there aren't stalkers, crazy drunken debauchery or just plain ole' debauchery at these shows - they're are.  Anyway, besides the point, really -

So we were chatting about what most people my age chat about at some point - marriage.  Not that we were talking about marriage in an us sense (wink, wink), but in general.  Being an officer of the law, he witnesses more than most - but he isn't just that, he is an officer of the law in one of Cincy's worse neighborhoods - district one.  Anyway - he made a very poignant statement.  I will summarize -

'...in today's society, marriage doesn't carry the weight it did at one time.  And from what I have seen - chasing drug dealers, murderers, being in the middle of shootings - life is really difficult enough as it is.  It's hard enough just living day to day - and marriage today, just really seems to make life more difficult.  I am in love with someone and I want to be with that person - I am content in just keeping it simply  that way.'

I can appreciate this.  Now I was raised well, very well - I think (shrugged shoulders...), but I have seen the good, bad and ugly of marriage.  And every time I think - yeah it might be nice to wear a ring to show off how much I love my baby daddy - then I start thinking of how complicated that could start making our lives.  We get in these rough patches, and when we do (maybe a little bit more than recent...yeeks~!), there are always the empty threats made like - guess one of us should start looking for an apartment, or the really obnoxious - how are we going to split custody, you know I want to be a part of his life still (I know - petty, right...like DUH of course - you are quite possibly the BEST Dad ever!), but then I think, what about the penultimate - I guess we should file for divorce - YUCK!   I mean really-YUCK!!!  I just don't want that, I don't want to have to come back from an argument from - THAT!

And I know some of you might be shaking your head like - 'well then just don't get to that point in the fight, then'.  But no offense, you are kidding yourself if you think in some 10 years of marriage one of you is NOT going to say that.  It's human nature and like the officer so delicately pointed out - marriage doesn't hold the weight it used to and life today is difficult enough as it is.

So - long point made short here -

We get in these rough patches and I really start to think about this stuff - like, should I be happy we aren't married? and well, yeah.  I am - he's my baby daddy and a darn good one.  And yeah, he does stuff that upsets me, but he stays - and I don't have to come back from the absolute worse position in an argument - divorce or not.  He knows that I love him, at least I hope he does.  Ok - so I digressed a bit more.  Point - he doesn't care if we get married.  He stands by my side no matter what.  Through pregnancy, hormones, a crappy work schedule, dealing with relationships, supporting my family and most of all - being a stellar parental partner.  I may be a loon - but he stays - without a ring.

...and I love Rick even more for that.

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